But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
