We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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