I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
