Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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