he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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