i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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