I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize