Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
