i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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