last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
