The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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