I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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