I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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