Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
