I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
