did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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