Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
