the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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