she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have aggressive nipples.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
