So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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