I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
