its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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