the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
