did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
