maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
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Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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