I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
