a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
this just has baby written all over it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
