I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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