Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
