I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize