I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
