You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
