Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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