when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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