there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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