On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
