I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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