wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
