Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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