I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize