Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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