I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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