We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
