if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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