i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
