i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
