Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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