Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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