Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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