you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
