I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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