Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
