Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
