I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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