I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
