She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
