so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
