come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
