fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
