it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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