I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
