My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
