I've blown a few things in my day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
