I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
