I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just found out that she named her cat after me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
