I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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