Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
